Chapter 08: When Not to Act

Do not act when you are driving, flying, in court, on a sled, next to a sled, in an earthquake, choking, at a funeral, sleeping, holding a two-year-old, cliffdiving, changing a tire, convincing a boss you’re not acting, helping the elderly cross the street, in the audience at the opera, in the audience at the ballet, in the audience for just about anything, pouring concrete, performing orthodontics, repairing an engine, in yoga class, feeding lions at the zoo, feeding lions in the wild, in bed with someone, operating a laser, strolling in a no-act zone, in a scene as a dead body, trying to maintain a low profile, hunting for elk, in the unemployment line, at the check-out counter, receiving your MBE, returning your MBE, talking to your mother, cutting the green wire on a bomb, on break from an acting class, giving directions to tourists, trying to preserve oxygen on a botched space shuttle mission, paying off gambling debts, trying to avoid bears, refuting a parking ticket, chopping vegetables, doing anything with fire, in charge of watching a baby, guarding treasure from real pirates, cutting hair, in a hospital library, around easily-irritable people, in a museum of glass, in a bullfighter ring, naked in a boxing ring, watching telly in a rough pub, swimming, playing trumpet, occupying a small country, putting bags in other bags as part of a social experiment, hanging out in a mental institution, being measured by a tailor, or chewing glass.